


Peach Moon

by coolscar (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Humanstuck, M/M, Sadstuck, Suicide Attempt, references to self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 01:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/717516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/coolscar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tide rises slowly, and sinks back down. </p>
<p>The sea is a good place to think about the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peach Moon

The tide rises slowly, and sinks back down. 

 

The sea is a good place to think about the future. 

 

 

As you dawdle idly through the sand, traipsing through the coarse tiny bits of rock that have gone through so much, so much, yet are still something, you think about what a good metaphor that is for your life. 

 

After all, if you're going to think about your existence, why not do it in style?

 

The sun still hasn't risen. You figure it's about- two? Three a.m.? You aren't too sure. You can almost see the sun beginning to rise, like the tide,  very faintly illuminating the horizon.  Surely your brother isn't worrying about you, nor is your father- They're probably both sound asleep still. It's not like everyone wakes up at the crack of ass to walk around a shitty beach and think about shit. 

 

There's no one around. It's the wee hours of the morning and the lifeguards haven't yet arrived, and it's too early and cold out for any joggers. You practically have the entire ocean to yourself. 75% of the world belongs to you, Aaron Ampora. 

 

It's breezy out, and the air has a tinge of saltiness. You didn't figure you'd need a jacket, and you sorely regret not bringing at least a windbreaker.  All you're in is some thin striped t-shirt and a pair of worn out cargo shorts. You look at your bare arms, which display many emotionally straining physical leftovers of your failures in general, and depression. You sigh deeply. 

 

You haven't been out here in a while. You haven't really THOUGHT like you do when you come here in a while. 

 

For a moment, you see yourself as you are (ridiculously tall lanky teenage boy), and not how YOU see yourself (dashing devilish historian). Then you start thinking about the people you know. 

 

Let's start with your family: Your older brother, Cronus. He's got a bit of what Internet-types call "Nice Guy Syndrome". He's convinced that all the gals (and guys) should be falling for him, and that everyone he knows has "friend-zoned" him. This includes your friend Carter, Carter's older brother,  Cory, your ex-boyfriend, Samuel- pretty much everyone. Samuel's older brother, Matthew, seems to be the target for a lot of Cronus' sexual frustration and romantic failures. They are what you'd call "Frenemies with benefits".

 

Next, your dad. He considers himself a player, but you know he misses your mom, who died in a freak car accident many moons ago. He's a partyer and a drinker; you wouldn't go so far as to call him an alcoholic, but he's pretty damn close to it. Did you mention that he's dating Samuel's dad? Because he is. They're engaged and planning on getting married sometime soon. The thought of becoming the Captors' stepbrother is enough to make you down an entire bottle of sleeping pills. But you won't. You know you won't. You couldn't possible do that to your brother, and your dad, and Felicity, and Veronica, and Carter- definitely not Carter. 

 

Ah, Felicity. She's your best friend of seven years. You and her met at preschool, and have been inseparable ever since. Well, were inseparable. Things haven't really been the same between you two ever since your breakup with Samuel. He decided to spread some nasty rumor about how you slept with him and practically every other guy in the school, sinking you from popularity to being a loser faster than the Titanic. But Felicity was a good friend. She dealt with your bullshit. She was there for you. You'd pour one out for your former friendship, except you don't have a beer on you. What a shame. 

 

Veronica is your dad's old flame's daughter. As previously mentioned, your dad gets around a lot. Anyway, Veronica is another good friend of yours, but she refuses to associate with you at school. Something about how it'd be social suicide. You feel like snapping back with how if you kept getting ignored you'd probably commit actual suicide, but you manage to keep your mouth shut.  

 

You'd talk about Samuel, but merely hearing his name brings back memories of your relationship. 

 

Last but definitely not least, Carter. My god, you are absolutely in love with him. You'd never tell him though; you're too good of friends with him to even consider that shit. He's there for you, no matter what. He's always there to offer a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes when you wake up in the dead of night, wishing you were dead, you message him, and you feel okay again. He's your super glue- he holds you together. If it weren't for him you probably wouldn't be around. 

 

Although lately, even with Carter's company, you feel like everyone would be better off if you weren't around. 

 

Now, where were we?

 

Ah, yes. The beach. You must focus on the beach. 

 

A pack of seagulls fly overhead, automatically falling into a V-formation like a troop of soldiers; winged, feather army men on a mission to scavenge for food. You think about how nice it would be to live like that; to be born and to know your purpose: live, eat, die. But you're stuck in this plane of existence, trying to figure out the meaning of your life, which no one understands nor will they ever be able to understand. 

 

You can't shake off this feeling that you are important and that you matter, but deep down you know it isn't true. 

 

You fish your tiny little portable speaker out of a pocket, and plug your iPod into it. You haphazardly scroll through the song list and,  unable to decide, just click any random song. You set it down on the sand and walk up to the seafoam. 

 

"sun-smudged peach moon

softer than an ice cream cone in june

and why is it that

lightning strikes so perfectly at night?"

 

You stand on the border between shore and sea, water engulfing your knees and below. You close your eyes, and allow yourself to dissolve. You are one with the universe. Aaron Ampora no longer exists physically, but spiritually. He is a soul floating through the dimensions of space and time. 

 

That isn't actually what's going down, though. You wish it was. 

 

"what you do is what you choose

but consider consequences when you lose"

 

You step onto the sand, little grains clinging to your soaked skin. You sit down besides your iPod, in mental repose, looking at the street facing the beach. 

 

"i dont care, ay ay ay ay"

 

You turn your head and stare at the sea. You think about what would happen if you just walked in there, at this very moment, and never came out. Would anyone worry? Would people search for you? Would Carter be upset? You'd do it right now, but you aren't stupid enough to do something like that. 

 

Or are you?

 

The sea is practically beckoning you, calling for you; saying that you should go in and never leave, that you're (and everyone else) is better off that way.

 

Do you really believe it?

 

You look toward the street. You see a figure- walking towards the beach? No. You blink again and the figure is gone. Just a trick of the light; after all, who's up at this hour?

 

You're doing it. 

 

No one will miss you, anyway. 

 

You walk towards the sea. Soon enough you'll be gone. 

 

"all my life

i've been waiting for

a sign to say move on

and tonight

all the salt that's in the air just feels right"

 

You walk. You walk. You're waist deep in salt water and positively sure that this is the right decision. You push yourself, reminding yourself that it's only a bit more, and you'll be free; but more importantly, you'll be gone. Your dad won't have a problem child anymore, your brother will finally get a girlfriend without you as a nuisance of a brother, Felicity will probably be happy and so will Samuel, Veronica will finally be free of the social poison that you were, and Carter-

 

Carter. 

 

 

You can practically hear him screaming for you to stop. He's almost sobbing. This is pretty surreal; it almost sounds like he's on the shore. 

 

You continue on. You get a lungful of water and start regretting everything. You hear him louder now. You decide to turn around and take one last glimpse of the world before you go, and-

 

Fuck. 

 

Carter Vantas in on the shore, screaming your name, on his knees, crying his fucking eyes out. 

 

You trudge back to land as fast as you can, and as soon as your feet are on the ground he tackles you. 

 

"AARON WHAT THE FUCK MAN I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE YOU TRIED TO PULL THIS SHIT I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING WORRIED I WAS SERIOUSLY DUDE WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT SHIT-" 

"Car, man, fuckin' relax I'm fine okay I'm fine-"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TRY TO TELL ME YOU'RE FINE, IF YOU'RE SO FINE THEN WHY WERE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING DROWN YOURSELF?"

 

He stares at you with such intensity, eyes filled with anger and regret and sorrow and shock. He's sobbing. He chokes out a "Why?" before collapsing into a shuddering heap. 

 

You look at him and quietly respond "I don't matter."

 

He puts his eyes back on you and says "Man, you do fucking matter. Did you think that Felicity might miss you? Vero? Your dad? Cronus? Fuck, ME?" 

 

You look down, astonished. "I didn't really think-"

 

"Of course you didn't think, you fucking prick, of fucking course you didn't! Fuck. Just- fuck."

 

You embrace him as he sobs, and you quietly whisper "I am so sorry, Car."

 

He responds "I know, dipshit. I just- how the fuck could you do something like that. How."

 

"sun-smudged peach moon

softer than an ice cream cone in june

and why is it that

thunder purrs so strikingly at night?"

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was fucking stupid bye


End file.
